Car from hell: Monster Mk.1

Well, that’s a question now answered in the world’s biggest right-hand drive automotive market, Britain, by Warranty Direct – an underwriter supplying extended vehicle warranties. 

The imaginary Warranty Direct-inspired horror vehicle (dubbed the Monster Mk.1) would break down every other month and cost an average of R25 000 to fix each year.

By uniting the cars with the worst profiles across the categories that make up its reliability index, a mathematical matrix tool that measures car reliability by considering average cost of repair, frequency of failure, age and mileage, Warranty Direct reckons its ghastly creation is the stuff of nightmares.

The disastrous car cocktail draws its power from an MG TF engine, sits on the suspension of a BMW M3 (surprise), has the electric workings of a Renault Megane (not so surprising), the transmission of a Land Rover Freelander and the braking ability of an Audi A8 (very surprising).

In full configuration, Warranty Direct’s nightmare car would have a MG TF engine; Volvo C70 steering; Renault Megane electrics, Seat Alhambra air-conditioning; Mercedes-Benz V-Class ignition; Land Rover Freelander transmission; BMW M3 suspension; Audi A8 brakes and Seat Toledo heating/cooling systems. 

According to Warranty Direct data, nearly 40% of BMW M3's require repairs to axle and suspension components alone each year, while the same proportion of Renault Meganes report an electrical fault.

One in five Land Rover Freelanders suffers transmission glitches each year and the same number of Audi A8s will need repairs to their brakes.

Close to a quarter of MG’s TF sports cars will experience engine troubles, while if you like keeping cool, beware the Seat Alhambra: more than one in eight will need its aircon fixed during a typical year. Fortunately nearly half of the problem components are not in circulation locally, enabling South Africans buyers to dodge such dodgy vehicles such as the Alhambra and Toledo and MG’s TF. 

The Monster Mk1 was created using Warranty Direct’s database of 50 000 live policies on cars aged five years on average. Does your local M3, Freelander, Megane Volvo C70, Merc V-Class or Audi A8 ownership experience mirror the issues illuminated by Warranty Direct's research or not?